Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
