I bet he comes in French.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
