WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
love makes seman taste better
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
