I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
God, I missed his penis.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
