I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
