he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
