Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I love you. Go after that dick
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
