we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
