I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
