guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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