the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
