you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
