"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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