Who did Billy Mays play for?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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