Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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