forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
