Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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