I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
