She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
