Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
