I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
