i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
