You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
