i just had sex bonerless
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
