every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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