I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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