Are we in a gay sports bar?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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