I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
