He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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