I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize