I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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