My friends, they love my intelligence
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
