Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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