Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
