Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
