im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
