She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
