Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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