I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
