Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
