While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
