I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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