this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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