Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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