i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
