My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The air was thick with penises
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
this hospital has no fireball
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
