Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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