This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
