Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
