My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
