Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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