i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
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