I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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