So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
