our cab driver is having phone sex.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
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at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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