neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize