He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize
