omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
