My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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