I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
